Want to find the child you gave up for adoption?
Ready to face the reality rather than all the hopes and fears you've had through the years?
Your questions are the questions of most birth parents.
Was your child actually adopted, or did they live through a series of foster homes?
Were they adopted locally or taken to another city, county, state, or country?
Was your child really raised better than you could have done?
Were their adoptive parents good parents to your child (nobody's perfect) or was your child abused?
Is your now child healthy and well adjusted to life? We're they educated? Do they work? Have their own family (are you a grandparent?)
Does your child want to meet you? Do they hate you? Are you really ready?
My first suggestion is this: Write it out - pour your heart out on paper. Talk it out with a best friend - confidant or maybe a spiritual advisor or therapist if you've kept this child a secret.
Write 20 questions you don't know the answers to.
Write the answers to those questions that you hope for.
What questions would you ask your son or daughter if you met them?
Are you prepared to learn that your child is maybe, just maybe, someone you would not want to know. (What if your child turns out to be unhappy with the gender of their body and wants to transition to the other gender? Personally, I seem to deal with transgendering people better than most, I think because of my belief in reincarnation, but this is a challenge; example Cher and Chastity "Chaz" Bono.) Maybe your child will have a world view that is very different than yours.
You've been unable to raise this child. This child is of you and has your genetics but not your influence. The old Nature versus Nurture question prevails.
In my experience contemplating these questions is the beginning work of finding the child you gave birth to or fathered. There is something spiritual to it. The soul searching is the first order of a successful research because questions unanswered are likely to stall it.
I've had the experience of trying to work with and for someone who created issues off and on for over 4 years because they really were not ready.
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