I am deeply impressed to learn that one of my relations became the single mom of six children as she adopted five of the many foster children she was presented. She lives in a state where adoption is inexpensive and where there is financial help for those who cannot afford to do so otherwise. This too impresses me.
Now a retired senior citizen, she recently told me that she's not much into genealogy. I'd hoped that she could share memories with me that she had, because I was way too young or not even born yet when she had them. What did she remember about certain relations who are a mystery to me? After some sharing, she told me that her genetic daughter is not interested and the other children who she adopted don't care about their birth families or the heritage of their adopted mother. Nobody is interested in searches or charts. The chances are good that searches - such as adoption registries - would bring up parents who were fairly local at the time, and might still be. She assures me that none of her children want the mess.
I thought it was brave of her to say all this in a matter of fact way, as she referred me to another family member who is "into" the family history and genealogy. I contacted that person more than once, but have not heard back. Meanwhile, I gave the oral history, all that I'd heard or knew, and what was on documents, to the reluctant relation.
I am not going to push.
No I'm not.
I've run into the brick wall that is another person many times.
As much as possible, I will respect her wishes.
I will never put anything on the Internet or in a database about her family.
Will one or all the children eventually change their minds?
I think it is possible, after she has passed on especially, as this is the one and only parent all of them have ever gotten to know.
Another issue with this person, if issue is the right word, is that she doesn't understand what little stories about a person's behavior or attitudes mean to me or people like me. Certainly one incident doesn't necessarily typify their entire life, but she found that one woman burned garlic to rid the house of evil spirits stupid, while to me it verified the woman's peasant beliefs, folk beliefs that mixed with her Catholicism. Ethnographic details can be extremely helpful also if you're trying to figure out someone's allegiance to their ethnicity. In some parts of the world where there were many tribes or ethnicities living near each other, at the time they certainly knew the beliefs, as well as clothing, food, language, and other differences people had.
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