I meet with the man whose birth mother's heritage, in particular that of her birth mother, while we await the archive to respond to our request for information on her baptism. To reiterate, the story goes that she was put in an orphanage by her father because her mother died in childbirth or soon after. He visited until he died. There were two brothers who did not keep in touch with her.
I've now compiled a file of census records, photocopies of photographs, and a list of all the things I've tried such as trying to put her birth into a family group, eliminating all the families that already had a child born that year, searching indexes, and historical research on the greater family of her father's surname at a specific location where she was put into a Catholic orphanage.
Something I have wondered is if this woman was a sickly child herself and in particular if she was considered "slow" or had some other issue that back in the day no one labeled like we do now. In other words, did men take advantage of her as a result when she was emancipated at 18?
I ask a retired nun why the orphans would not have been taken to the close-by church so they could be part of the community, why they were given sacraments and educated at the orphanage. She says it probably was easier, that diocese could assign a priest or nuns to the institution. Because of this, we did not have to tell the archive what church she went to, which they usually request. In particular, she seems to have been 16 when she finished the 8th grade.
Someone else tells me their mother was in a church run orphanage in another state and city and there she learned to clean houses and knit. Why would the educational standard be lower for orphans? Or was it?
The man tells me he thinks we have gone as far as we can go and that he wants to put the project to rest until the spring, when he can travel to the city where his birth mother was born and "knock on doors!" I want him to be a peace with all this but NOT having contact with possible or actual relations was a high priority when we began.
I realize he has probably been on bit more of a roller coaster ride emotionally than he has let on during this research. Perhaps he is forgetful that we discussed the contact we can make using FAMILYSEARCH or the potential of DNA testing. (I could also make contact with members of the extended family of his birth mother by using public records for their addresses and phone numbers.) But maybe some travel to the area will be what gives him peace.
To some degree he has genealogy myopia and is doubting what I tell him. For instance, he insists that one person we looked at as a potential birth father of his mother "can't be it" because he is buried in a cemetery a town over from the one where most of the people with that surname are buried. I tell him the man is buried with his wife's side of the family and I can confirm that it is a Catholic cemetery and may be over the county line but so what? These places are just a few miles away from the family stead.
I see that he is "relying" on his flawed memory and rejecting my research. I'm not here to prove what he remembers is right.
I'm here to find the truth. I'll admit I've become his mother's advocate. I want her truth to be told.
Just to prove to me that he can't remember what all his mother told him or I told him or what he told me, he says that his mother's birth mother died TWO YEARS after she was born! I look at him and say, "That is not in childbirth or soon after."
Then I say, "Well you can send away for the civil records..." He says, "I thought you told me they were not available." I look again on indexes. The birth is not there, even if I add 2 years, or more years, or play more games with spellings and nicknames.
"We can always ask and they can say they don't have them or cannot release them due to privacy laws in that area. Either way it's $25 nonrefundable. I suggest we wait for her baptism record. OK, so contact me when you hear from the Catholic archives."
At home I feel depressed. I know I've done everything within my capacity - which includes his budget - and honestly informed him of every step. I even typed up a letter a while back that apprised him of the possibility that a different couple were the birth parents and why I thought so. I felt that if he read the letter later in the privacy of his home he would consider it.
Here are the possibilities:
1) Due to a home birth, or perhaps the parents knowing they were not going to keep this baby in advance of its birth, no civil record of the birth was ever made. (There was a country doctor in the family.)
2) Some form of inner-family adoption occurred, either informally, or perhaps legally, which included changing the birth certificate, and so the family that perhaps visited or maintained some contact could include a "dad" and "brothers," who were really an "uncle" and "nephews." In this case we might get a birth certificate that has been altered due to an adoption, one not expected.
3) That this man's birth mother was actually BORN two years later (though the birth still doesn't come up on indexes for that county and city) and she graduated 8th grade at 14 rather than 16.
4) Whomever reported information for her death certificate and burial knew more, was ignorant, or perpetrated a lie (which might include her birth year.) He may have been that informant and this might be why he first said he had her birth and death certificate and then said he did not. (Based on the information on FIND A GRAVE which may have come from a overzealous volunteer going into the cemetery burial records, I sense that the information revealed on the net IS what those records say, and so sending for them would not be helpful.)
5) His mother was related to the family in the county and state and diocese where the orphanage was, but was actually born in another city, state, or county. Her birth mother might have been sent to relatives to give birth. Was she married? Could her husband have sent her away because he doubted the baby was his? Just the opposite could have happened. She could have gone elsewhere to give birth to her; if she is the woman whose husband would have died before she died, she might have gone to relatives as a pregnant widow.
6) His mother was a sweetheart, but she was "slow," and the things she told him were flawed by memory or some other aspect of her psychology or thinking.
7) The woman who I found in the mental hospital was the birth mother and it was a lie that she died and also a lie that her husband died: I find him living in old age with a son - who could be one of the brothers who did not want contact.
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To follow along on this research path from the beginning, click on the label "Research Path Heritage Search 1."
