Isn't it funny that we associate the term HO HO HO with Santa Claus, a gifter, and pirates - thieves?
I was thinking about this irony today, as I prepare for an iffy Holiday Season.
I got into the holiday spirit a couple weeks ago. I began to think of holiday songs and ran them in my head as I cooked and cleaned. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."
I watched some Christmas shows meant for children with some wonderful animation but not holy or traditional messages; there was cartoon violence, compilated plots that are hard to accommodate. I eliminated these as possibilities for a senior friend - her grandchildren. Instead I chose "A Snowy Day." (Which is multicultural and about inclusion and neighborhood sharing.)
I wrapped some presents bought on an extremely low budget.
And then something went haywire with a bill I've faithfully paid for three years. If I had sent too small an amount by error or the company had increased rates and a notice hadn't arrived, they had waited a month to tell me I owed more. They called a friend I had on as an emergency contact a couple years ago - who I'd instructed them to take off the account a year ago - a month after this. I was startled to see her at my door after not hearing from her since before the Covid-shut downs. I'd sent a card and letter wondering if she was well and there had been no response. So, when I saw her at my door, at first I was happy. I had just purchased a Christmas card for her. But she tore into me about the phone calls she was getting from this place. I apologized and activated by putting a business letter in the mail - took it all the way into the post office - asking for an accounting and explanation. I mentioned she was not to be called. But they called her AGAIN. End of friendship for sure. Still, I feel bad.
As I attempted to rescue the situation before ruin set in, I felt stressed out beyond reason. I felt fragile and scared. I didn't want to involve anyone or anger anyone. Whatever happened, short staffs and closures had hurt many businesses. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone.
I so wanted my life back. And felt helpless to do that.
So I got up, got my dog, and took a slow three hour walk around streets that were mostly deserted, past businesses that were mostly closed. I was careful. Mask, Hand Spray, Doggie Bags, Social Distancing. I did stop in here and there - standing in a doorway to say Merry Christmas to an old friend - running in to a store to see about catnip and having a key made.
I mentioned this long walk to another friend I went to visit. This morning she said if I did not agree not to talk to anyone (she meant strangers) or go into buildings, she did not want to associate with me anymore! She is a long time antivaxxer and has regaled me in recent weeks with fears that non-organic food will give me cancer.
I'm reading everything I can about the vaccine. I'm just as likely to catch Covid as she is. It's just that when she and her husband see their children and grandchildren, some of whom are going out into the workplace, and her friends, she thinks they are all safe. She doesn't trust mine as safe.
My contacts are actually fewer. But she trusts the people she knows.
I agreed with her. I said I would not.
But I was mad. I knew I was going to have to do some things I don't believe in, if I wanted to maintain that relationship. I would have to sneak, lie, or not tell her where I go and who I associate with. Point being, I have a life and business to take care of and think she has become controlling and frankly, paranoid. I wonder if she needs an evaluation for mental decline.
I have barely seen my friends in months. Covid-19 is stressful and I have to wonder what relationships won't be effected. My friend who got phone calls over a payment error shouldn't have but not for a moment did she consider the error was their fault.
And so it goes, on and on, this whole horrid situation we find ourselves in.
But the statistics are not fully stated.
There are millions of people in my county.
Five percent of them have tested positive for Covid.
A small percentage of that five percent are sick enough to be hospitalized or die. Yes the hospitals are overwrought.
I do not want to get sick or die (or make anyone else sick) either. So I'm considering that by this spring I will take the vaccine and if I get sick (from Covid-19 or the vaccine) I will go to a motel to isolate rather than come in contact with anyone I know. (I have a stack of unread books to eat through.)
It feels good to complain.
Psychologically, it is good for us to get out of the house and take those walks. Many of those people, who told me at the start of this plague how good they were being alone, how much they had to do alone, are now going a little crazy. Some, a lot crazy.
If you feel that way, you are not alone.
Seasons Greetings!
C 2020
Note: January 3, 2021
I've edited this rather miserable post for clarity. I thought maybe I should take it down but then I'm like you- part of this historic plague experience. Polls taken state that most people alive think 2020 was the worst year they've lived through.
