Hi there AWG!
Because of all the information available on the Internet I've easily found the addresses of a number of relatives who I've had no contact with in 20 or more years and all around the country too. I've done the genealogy and haven't shared it. I thought I'd publish a little book someday and send it out. Now I'm thinking that I should try and contact some of these people and establish connection again. The problem is that I stopped connecting with most of them years ago because of a family scandal which effected me badly. It seemed to me no one wanted to take sides or get involved or that I didn't want to put them in the position of having to. The perpetrator is still alive. I have no idea what her relationship is with others in the family.
Without giving me all the details I can say I know what you mean. I've heard of situations like this many times. Every family has secrets and maybe some of them should stay secrets. Genealogy books can be "just the facts" or a bit more elaborate with memoir-like details and you might feel like letting it "all hang out" is honest (and accurate). However, I'm going to try and be pragmatic here.
You can have the book published and send out copies to everyone, some may be interested, some not, and some relationships may be reestablished. When they gossip they can say you were fair and sending EVERYONE a copy.
You can contact everyone and say there is a book available and you'll be glad to send it, but request that they send a donation for the shipping, something like that, which might prove to you who is or isn't interested in the genealogy, appreciative of all your work, or who does not want to start contact with you for whatever reason.
You could contact the people you feel more sure about and tell them you are working on a genealogy and family memoir book and ask for their memories, photos, and so on, including them in on the finished product, and a few of them will show interest and most won't, even if they say they will.
You could publish limited editions of your book and put it on the shelves of libraries all over the country. Most libraries are interested. My city library keeps thousands, not in the stacks, but in back, to be used within the library by special request. (You could then send notes stating that your published genealogy and family history rests in their local library.) I intend to do this someday, and right now it will probably be in only four cities, but if I find clusters of relatives elsewhere, maybe more.
As for getting into what happened years ago and how it effected you, I understand that you equate the facts found in genealogy research through documents with truth and honesty, but I just don't know.