The beatings described are actually the most common form of domestic violence; A mother who cannot leave with her children, a mother who does not stop her husband from abusing her daughter, everyone thinking "it's not so bad" or counting time by the periods of relative quiet. Rewriting history. A brother who has learned by his parent's example it is OK to beat up his sister as well. Eventually sisters in law who wonder if it is OK to leave the grandchildren with their grandparents and seem to dismiss physical abuse potential as not so bad.
Jessica achieved. She went to Vassar. She traveled. Like many young adults, she explored and had experiences that would help her discover who she was other than a daughter, what she thought and believed, where she did or did not fit. Slowly she found a person or two who she could tell. Telling was risky. She fell in love. She had relationships. However, the whole time she was just holding on and didn't always know that. A mental breakdown had been staved off but was almost inevitable and she was the one - I say the healthiest one in the family - who sought help and was also forced to find help. A loving and loyal partner made a difference.
Like many people who have to go NO CONTACT, Ms. Berger was not thinking, "I will never see them or speak to them again," she was simply unable to take any more and saw that she was better off not knowing her family of origin, even though she could remember good times and that her parents had also done thing that showed them to be in some ways caring parents. She felt shame in having been abused and guilt in cutting off her family. She wondered about religious observances, and she experienced a serious depression. She quit a job she fought for and made a boss angry. She heard that "you will never work in this town again' kind of message and even considered suicide.
As Jessica became a married woman who wanted children, she experienced a longing for her own mother at times. A miscarriage and infertility made having her own family difficult. Going NO CONTACT is not an easy decision or one that a person won't question. Importantly, she sees forgiveness not as "forgive and forget" but as acceptance.
Are you a person who was abused as a child or holding to unspoken contracts within youf family to remain in the role of the child who will accept abuse?
C Ancestry Worship - Genealogy BlogSpot
