THE IMPORTANCE OF GOOD - BEST - GIRLFRIEND - ESPECIALLY IN SENIORHOOD - KEEPING THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT

This morning I ran into "Bette" the best friend of "Ethel."  She was on her way to meet Ethel and accompany her to a doctor's appointment. 

Ethel is never married and childless, living in the family stead for the last 75 years,  with one brother on the east coast who comes out to visit once a year.  At this late stage in her life Ethel simply does not think she can adjust to life in a small new England town moved in or near her brother, especially because of the harsh weather there, and also feels, rightly so, that she would miss the many social advantages she has living on a fixed income here.

With our increasing population of unmarried, never married, and childless people, it is becoming more and more important for  people - especially seniors - to have best friend.  It's my suggestion that while friends are not part of your genealogy project, certainly a best friend is part of a family history, or personal history/memoir project. I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SEE THE MENTION OF BEST FRIENDS IN OBITUARIES.

It's often said that we do not choose our family and can't be blamed for our relatives, though some reincarnationists would disagree, and that's usually the case when it comes to bosses and coworkers too. 

But you choose your friends.

Bette and Ethel originally met a church that neither of them goes to any more, though they go to another. Bette has a disabled son who she has been the lone caregiver of for years and is still working part time while Ethel has been on disability income since midlife.  The two go here, there, and everywhere together - lunches at a senior center, local museums on free days, shopping, and doctor's appointments.  This morning Bette, bless her, told me that she calls Ethel every morning and every night.

In case you're wondering, neither woman is of lesbian nature.  But it could be said that they act as husband and wife, living separately, together.

So here is another, real story of women's friendship that is a little closer to my home.

Walking my dog I got to know several neighbors, including "Este."  She lives in a large old single apartment with one pit bull, one scruffy little dog, one enormous white cat, and until recently two roommates, a married couple.  She has lived in the same place for over 20 years and with rent control this is what she can afford in her retirement.  Of course the couple both work and are gone most of the day, and they are gone a lot socially too, but recently the wife went to live elsewhere.  That left Este and, we'll call him "Mickey" the motorcycling riding fifty-something man who works full time.

A few months back Este got pneumonia and had to go into the hospital and then a nursing facility.  Mickey showed up to visit and she wrote out rent and utility checks.  He was on his motorcycle on his way to the landlords to pay the rent with the check when he was in a bad accident.

Enter, "Sharon," Este's best friend.  Sharon visited Este at the hospital every other day and when Este wanted and needed some of her things from the apartment, like her own nightgowns, of course Sharon went with her key to pick things up.  That's when she saw eviction notices on the door.  The pets, sadly, had not eaten in days.  Now Este, as stated, had paid her rent on time for 20 years but this landlord was going to evict her anyway.  (You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.)  It was then that Sharon - and Este - realized something was wrong.  What had happened to the rent check and Mickey?

Sharon contacted the landlord, who wanted his money, money she could not come up with.  She explained that Este was in a nursing home temporarily and that she had written out the rent check and handed it to Mickey; she begged for time.  Sharon went on FACEBOOK and that way learned that Mickey was hospitalized and in need of prayers.  She went to the hospital to see him, where he lay in a coma.  She went to the place where his motorcycle was impounded, found the rent check and then delivered it to the landlord, who backed off the eviction- with only a day to spare!  In short, because of Sharon's devotion to her best friend she saved her from being a homeless senior citizen.  She now went to the apartment every day to walk and feed the animals.

I know that if you've read this far you want more of the story.  Este did return home well but with Mickey, who was now conscious, in the hospital and not working, she was still not sure that she could keep the place.  Mickey even told her that he wasn't sure if he would make it home or back to work in time.  Mickey's coworkers DONATED THEIR VACATION TIME to his recovery so that he would not loose his job.  He WAS able to make it back to work, not on his motorcycle, but in a van for the disabled, and keep his job.  Weeks into this physical therapy, he is still not able to ride it, but he wants to.  His best friend comes over on Sundays and they give it a try.

Bless Sharon!

Keeping the Holiday Spirit

Christine


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A "FRIEND" DOESN'T "UNDERSTAND" WHAT I GET OUT OF GENEALOGY

I lost touch with someone back in '07 when they moved away and now this person is back in town to live intends to be a new friend all over again.  I realized that maybe I did not know him so well all those years ago and so rather than just go here and there and look for a good or interesting time of cultural explorations and participation in the arts, that I would ask him some questions about his family, his relationship to his ethnicity and childhood religion, if any, and so on.  I'm not looking for his autobiography, just for information I haven't known that might help me get to know him better.

One day he challenged me about my long time interest and participation in genealogy and I was surprised that he didn't know how important it has been and is to me.

I was even more surprised to learn that he is one of those people who thinks that genealogy people are all "stuck" in the past.  (I believe we can at least learn from the past, especially if we contrast it with the present, and happen to be someone who loves futurism too!)

I became dismayed feeling that he might never at least respect and appreciate that this of such great importance to me and my life.  That he would probably never want to research with me side by side at a library.  And I checked any impulse to offer to get him started with his own research or to use research to get information that he wasn't telling me.

"You've probably "poked around" he said, twiddling his fingers, and already know about my divorce," he said.  I told him that years ago closer to when we first met and he was telling me about it I had checked the divorce index in another state but that I had not and was not going any further.  (Too bad, from some things he told me I imagine he has some great things to find, especially on his mom's side!)

Ah well, we cannot all understand or approve of other's avocations or professions, even when they are totally legal and legit!

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DOCUMENTING LONG FRIENDSHIPS : LET'S NOT FORGET THE NEVER MARRIED AND THE CHILDLESS AMONG US!

There is such an emphasis on official family - bloodlines - in genealogy that I would like to talk to you all about documenting other, important, non-official, friendship, as a part of a family history project.

Friendship is also an important part of our lives and special friends, those who have known us for years, should be part of our oral history, written history, and inclusion. When someone has lived with or partnered with another person and has considered this to be a marriage, a marriage which was not or cannot be legal, we cannot pretend this relationship did not or does not exist.

There is so much emphasis on family in genealogy and family during these holidays. Let us not forget those who never married or never had children!