This afternoon I'm doing genealogy, using the FamilySearch web site, and this weekend my plan of action is to get around to putting recent photocopies of documents in plastic folders and starting a new binder for a person I'm related to that I never met.
Let's call him "Joe."
"Joe" is a long lost relative and he died before I found him on records. He was alive when I started looking for him but there was a lot of needle in a haystack searching going on because the family legends or rumors which were all I had to go on at that point proved to be wrong. Years ago I read every page of the 1920 Brownsville Texas and Bexar County census looking for a farmstead hoping I could find "Joe" as a young boy. I even called places in Texas looking for a wine grape grower and was told I was erroneously looking in Citrus Country. The Texas Wine Growers Association heard from me as did librarians in Brownsville who told me that records had been burned up or thrown away because "Texas is a cheap state."
It was a couple years ago that I happened upon a military record by using Ancestry databases which allowed me to ask for everyone in Texas who was a World War II veteran with the name "Joe." With what I thought to be a misspelled surname in Texas but apparently was how the family spelled the name, I followed that to contact with his daughter, who was celebrating her wedding anniversary. She seemed fairly enthusiastic when I contacted her by e-mail but I have heard nothing since. I so hoped to see a picture of this man! I put all my cards on the table when I e-mailed her because I want to be sensitive but also authentic about who I am, why I contacted her, and that I would like to share information. At the same time I realize that people who are not into genealogy or who have more concerns about privacy than I do (or maybe should) might have second thoughts about it. I told her what I thought the relationship was and other details based on family legends and rumors.
I just wish she had written back and said so rather than let me hang wondering and worrying. I hung like one of those cats on a poster from the 1970's.
Recently I decided to proceed with documenting "Joe" and at this point I now know enough because of additional records in the FamilySearch database to be extremely sure that indeed he is the man I'm looking for. The problem is that there will probably never be a record of his adoption as I don't think the couple who adopted him did so legally...and one interpretation of this is scandal and heartbreak.
You should know that there was a lot of informal or illegal "adoption" going on in American for the longest time.
And now that I know that a certain rumor or legend that I shared with her is incorrect because I have a death certificate and burial with the name of Church and Cemetery of his birth mother, who was married at the time, I think I should let her know. Now that I know that a certain rumor or legend about how "Joe's Mom" died is not true, I think her family might want to know incase it's genetic. All the while I'm thinking of this poor woman dying young with a toddler in her household and how terrible that must have been for everyone and now she's in a cemetery that has broken and missing tombstones and records, no one visits the grave, no one thinks about her, and yet there are people alive because she had "Joe." This year when I light candles for the dead I will have reason to light one for her.
What do I do?
I wait in hopes that someday "Joe's daughter" will reply to the just send e-mail asking if she's still there. I'm hoping she is not ill or has died and wondering if I should try to find her children or JUST LET IT ALL BE?
I'm like everyone else. Sometimes the GENEALOGY BRICK WALL is not that you can't find the records or proof but that other people just aren't interested in being involved in a project. They think "None of this makes any difference to me in my life!" And there are times when you have to know that they called it quits on you even when you didn't give up on them.
This is why I always say, "SOMETIMES GENEALOGY CAN HEAL A FAMILY but DON'T COUNT ON IT." Do genealogy for your own purposes or reasons and be prepared to keep that information PRIVATE! Just because it's increasingly easy to do doesn't mean people don't deserve their privacy and to be let alone.
There are always mysteries in this world but I suspect that in the next life/world/hereafter all is known.
With that, I wish you all a happy Fourth of July! Make it a three day weekend!
C 2014 Ancestry Worship Genealogy
Showing posts with label finding lost relatives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finding lost relatives. Show all posts
17 November 2012
I FOUND FAMILY ON THE INTERNET BUT THEY DON'T SEEM TO WANT CONTACT WITH ME! : QUESTIONS FROM READERS of ANCESTRY WORSHIP - GENEALOGY
Question for: ANCESTRY WORSHIP GENEALOGY
After years of research, I found some information on a lost relative (someone I never met but who my mother wanted contact with) on the Internet. The person had married and was celebrating a special occasion and there was a brief biography on the net that mentioned her maiden name. It was the right state but not the right city, as much as I knew, but I decided since there was an e-mail address to contact her.
I did so honestly. I told her who I was and how we were related, and I gave enough information to back up my claim and flat out asked her if she was the person in question. I told her I was the family genealogist and that there were some mysteries I hadn't been able to solve.
A couple weeks later I got an e-mail back from her. She didn't say I was right or not. She mentioned talking to her husband about it and also said that over the summer they would go through some old pictures and documents. It was almost a yes. responded right away telling her I was looking forward to it. Then a couple months passed and I e-mailed again, just a hello how are you kind of message. This time there was no response. Now it's almost winter and there has been no more contact. I have only her e-mail address or I would send a Christmas card. Should I just leave this alone?
Megan
Answer:
Megan,
I think you should leave it alone even though the holidays are near and it would be nice to send a card by the United States post office (I don't do e-mail cards). Maybe this person is just so busy that she hasn't gotten around to the old pictures and documents or going through all the memorabilia brought up bad feelings, maybe she has lived her life without contact with your mother and doesn't want it, maybe her husband doesn't think it's a good idea... One thing for sure is you've done your part and so it's now up to her.
I know this is difficult to accept after so many years of earnest research and good heartedness, but there are many people who just are not at all into genealogy. There are also people using genealogy databases and other public information wrongfully and good reason for people to be concerned for their privacy and security. I know that the information this woman has might prove to be valuable and it's really tempting to try, try again, but when I find myself hitting a brick wall like this, I use my time to work on some other line of family. In other words, maybe this reunion is not meant to be, not now, not in the near future.
After years of research, I found some information on a lost relative (someone I never met but who my mother wanted contact with) on the Internet. The person had married and was celebrating a special occasion and there was a brief biography on the net that mentioned her maiden name. It was the right state but not the right city, as much as I knew, but I decided since there was an e-mail address to contact her.
I did so honestly. I told her who I was and how we were related, and I gave enough information to back up my claim and flat out asked her if she was the person in question. I told her I was the family genealogist and that there were some mysteries I hadn't been able to solve.
A couple weeks later I got an e-mail back from her. She didn't say I was right or not. She mentioned talking to her husband about it and also said that over the summer they would go through some old pictures and documents. It was almost a yes. responded right away telling her I was looking forward to it. Then a couple months passed and I e-mailed again, just a hello how are you kind of message. This time there was no response. Now it's almost winter and there has been no more contact. I have only her e-mail address or I would send a Christmas card. Should I just leave this alone?
Megan
Answer:
Megan,
I think you should leave it alone even though the holidays are near and it would be nice to send a card by the United States post office (I don't do e-mail cards). Maybe this person is just so busy that she hasn't gotten around to the old pictures and documents or going through all the memorabilia brought up bad feelings, maybe she has lived her life without contact with your mother and doesn't want it, maybe her husband doesn't think it's a good idea... One thing for sure is you've done your part and so it's now up to her.
I know this is difficult to accept after so many years of earnest research and good heartedness, but there are many people who just are not at all into genealogy. There are also people using genealogy databases and other public information wrongfully and good reason for people to be concerned for their privacy and security. I know that the information this woman has might prove to be valuable and it's really tempting to try, try again, but when I find myself hitting a brick wall like this, I use my time to work on some other line of family. In other words, maybe this reunion is not meant to be, not now, not in the near future.
C 2012 Ancestry Worship - Genealogy
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