TALKING TO A MAN WHOSE FAMILY HAS ABANDONED HIM - NO ONE CELEBRATES HIS BIRTHDAY

One of the questions you might ask your parents or grandparents is "Was your birthday celebrated?"

Perhaps not.

It's not unusual for me to see death certificates that reflect that the maiden name of a woman is unknown by her child.  It's not unusual to see a variety of ages reported on documents, sometimes with such a wide range you question if it is the same person.  This makes me wonder if perhaps the person themselves did not know their birthdate.  (Be aware that on census, including the 1940, information could be taken from a neighbor or landlord or someone other than the family. Look at the bottom of the page for notes.)

Perhaps certain ethnicities, cultures, families, "never made a fuss."  If you aren't counting birthdays, how do you determine if someone is marriageable?  Don't apply today's standards about at what age a child leaves childhood behind.  Fourteen was not considered too young to marry in many places.)  In some places in Europe, people celebrated name days instead and name days often coordinated with the local parish's saints name calendar.  Imagine a day when everyone named Mary or John celebrated!***

Maybe there is a lot of pain involved though when a family chooses not to recognize a member on their special day.

I met a man whose family has abandoned him.  We were talking and he revealed it was his birthday.

He said that when relatives came into the city he lives in, they never contacted him.

He claimed he never celebrated his birthday anyway, but I could feel his pain.

What had he done, if anything, that he would be shunned?

Acknowledging the day a person was born is acknowledging their personhood.

Actually, he'd had some bad luck.  A car accident that left a hip fractured, a long period of healing, a question of disability and pain pills that were addictive. This scenario is repeated every day - someone who was vital and working forced to stop in order to heal.  Apparently his family is one that only appreciates and celebrates "human doings" and not human beings. They are generally quite wealthy but they are not sharing. No one took him in so he could heal. Now he's dependent on the government. He already knows he will not be able to return to work that's physical.  So he's studying to be an ESL teacher.

The reason I'm posting this is to make you aware, if you're not, that remembering a person's birthday is an important part of growing and keeping a relationship. 

C 2021 Ancestry Worship Genealogy

*** note added February 2 2021  In some countries they still do celebrate name days.

THE SELFISH GENE by RICHARD DAWKINS : ANCESTRY WORSHIP GENEALOGY BOOK REVIEW

THE SELFISH GENE by RICHARD DAWKINS : ANCESTRY WORSHIP GENEALOGY BOOK REVIEW

This book, first published in 1989 and in it's third printing after selling million in 2006, is still relevant when it comes to asking questions about how genetics influences individuals and society and culture. Using examples from the animal kingdom, Dawkins moves to the realities of human life.

What does the author mean when he uses the word SELFISH which sounds like self-involved and mean? Why not use the term self preserving? Dawkins seems to be saying that animals show a self interest in preserving their own genetics in the way they organize their society or culture, in the ways they favor certain offspring, and that for humans using contraception may be the best way to preserve a family.

Does genetics explain why in nature, many fathers put in less effort to preserve offspring than mothers? In humans is this a matter of socialization or enculturation? I would say that in humans modern fathers seem to overall be putting in less effort to preserve offspring than the fathers of my father's era!

Do maternal uncles (your mother's brother really) have more interest in their neices and nephews than the paternal uncles, since they are more certain that there is a genetic link between themselves and the child?

Famine, plague and war have reduced populations, and so has birth control. Uncontrolled birth rates lead to uncontrolled death rates according to the author.

Using animals who are not human, the author says that many animals defend their territory, which includes defending the individuals who carry their genes.

Page 113 "In many cases females refuse to mate with males who do not possess a territory. Indeed it often happens that a female whose mate is defeated and his territory conquered promptly attached herself to the victor... No territory, no breeding. Automatic submission by lower ranking (individuals) is preferable to prolonged fights..."

Animal dominance. Indirect competition over females. Is this why in the old days parents quizzed a young woman's date about his ability to support her and the family before they would consent to allowing them to associate? How many young men would be able to mate at all if females refused to be available for dates until he could buy a house?

Also according to Dawkins, Individuals who have too many children are penalized, not because the whole population goes extinct but because fewer of their children survive.

(Page 117) ... "If a husband and wife have more children than they can feed, the state, which means the rest of the population, simply steps in and keeps the surplus children alive and healthy. But the welfare state is a very unnatural thing."

And so we go into politics without ever mentioning the word, or the coming Presidential election. With 26 million Americans now in need of government help to afford food, I would say that a great many are reproducing without being able to afford to, and that the state will become mom and dad to very many. Another notion of my father's era father was that God Will Provide, that When There's A Will There's a Way, and that There Is No Shame in an Honest Day's Work.

This book had me thinking beyond it!

C 2012-2025 Ancestry Worship Genealogy - BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

THE RED QUEEN by MATT RIDLEY : BOOK EXCERPT : COURTLY LOVE

THE RED QUEEN by MATT RIDLEY 
COURTLY LOVE
pages 218-219

"Human mating systems are greatly complicated by...inherited wealth... indeed in more stratified societies the poor often favor their daughters over their sons. But this is not because of certainly of paternity but because poor daughters are more likely to breed than poor sons. A feudal vassal's son had a good chance of remaining childless, while his sister was carted off to the local castle to be the fecund concubine of the resident lord... Sure enough, there is some evidence that in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries in Bedforshire, peasants left more to their daughters than to their sons. In eighteenth-century Ostfriesland in Germany, farmers in stagnant populations had oddly female-biased families... It is hard to avoid the conclusion that third and fourth sons were a drain on the family unless there were new business opportunities....

"But at the top of society, the opposite prejudice prevailed. Medieval lords banished many of their daughters to nunneries... Through the world rich men have always favored their sons and often just one of them. A wealthy or powerful father, by leaving his status or the means to achieve it to his sons, is leaving them the wherewithal to become successful adulterers with many bastard sons. No such advantage could accrue to wealthy daughters... "

Harper Perennial is the publisher.
C 1993 by Matt Ridley

C 2010-2025  Ancestry Worship Genealogy BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights